no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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