I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
