I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
