I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
