Im at strip club and am horny
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
The uberlube is also flammable
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
