And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
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