and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
