i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
