I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize