I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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