so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
