Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
