Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
