I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
