I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
