took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
