Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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