It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
