I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
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