WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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