How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
