Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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