Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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