In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize