1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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