i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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