I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
