I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
