I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
