Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
