$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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