i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
