wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
