He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
