Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
