Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
