Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
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