How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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