waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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