we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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