I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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