I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
