so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Randomize
