Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Alive.
So much puke
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
