I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
