my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
