I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
