My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
