Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
oh god the rape fog is back!
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
