he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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