A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
