I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
