On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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