Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
