if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
