Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
