I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize