if i can run in heels then i can drive
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
