final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
