i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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