in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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