Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Randomize
