I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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