i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
