Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
