My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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