I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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