I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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