Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Randomize
