I don't remember. Are we still dating?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
