I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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