he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
