I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
nutella sex= disaster
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
