he wants to bone in the snuggie
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
